Welcome, 2020! A new year, and a new decade. 2019 was a year of pushing myself. Often worth it, other times not. It was a year of BIG GOALS. Some were met, others were not—either at all, or to my slightly unrealistic expectations. But New Year's goals and resolutions don't have to be flashy, loud, and blinding. Mine won't be. 2020 will be a year of accepting myself. It will be a year of little dreams.
I haven’t had a chance to really sit down and “set goals” in any official sense, but I have lots of ideas floating in my head that I want (not need) to pin down and name in the coming weeks and months. I don’t feel the pressure to get it all out on January 1st because goals and dreams are fluid; they are always changing and evolving. I’ve learned quickly from owning a small business that it’s all too easy to feel guilt when a goal is not met, and by the pressure I put on myself. I hope to have intentional goals and plans this year too, but they are no longer necessities or guilt-traps.
I am also reminding myself why I started this business in the first place: to give Cape Breton families the support and education that I felt our community needed (and still needs) when I started my family and came up short. To get out of the rat-race and just make a difference. That. Is. It. The goal was never about money when I started this almost 4 years ago. Trust me, this is not a big money-making industry and I’d be making a lot more back teaching in a classroom. The second I find myself focussing on the financial side, because that’s generally what businesses strive to do, I feel like I’ve already failed. It may seem “under-ambitious” to say that making money isn’t a goal in my small business—it is truly just a bonus (that I do hope will come, of course).
Truth be told, I’m not really a goal-getting, ambitious person, and I’m actually at peace with that. My "baby business" is still very much a baby itself, and I need to better accept that the steps it takes may be small, may even be stumbles, but that down is not backwards. When I’m down and stuck, it is an opportunity to reflect and figure out how to get back up, try again, and either move forward... or move on.
So no, this is not a big display of my accomplishments and reveal of my goals to put out into the universe and become reality. I have nothing flashy or grandiose to share. No fireworks shooting up to the sky in a song and dance of blinding light, colour, and noise. No big goals here. My “goals” are quiet and mulling right now. They are personal and will be shared if/when the time is right. They are being planted and nurtured. I am finding my own way this year and forging business relationships that are equally quiet and nurturing. Relationships that don’t have great expectations of me because maybe I am not destined for greatness. Maybe I am just destined for goodness, to be needed, and to be enough. But I am not empty-handed or hearted. I have a tiny sparkler in my hand, close to my heart. It barely whispers, but it still shines. The light may fade, but it can spark another. I have little dreams to light my way.
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